Category Archives: politics

The Evolving Pledge

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for all Americans, and this is so important to me. (Nov 6, 2016, New York City)

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for all Americans, and this is so important to me.

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for all Americans as long as they’re here legally.

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for Americans as long as they’re skilled and here legally.

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for Americans as long as they’re skilled and here legally, until I’m able to get rid of DACA.

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for Americans as long as they’re skilled rich and here legally, until I’m able to get rid of DACA.

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for Americans as long as they’re rich and here legally, until I’m able to get rid of DACA now that I’ve gotten rid of DACA.

I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for Americans as long as they’re rich and white and here legally, now that I’ve gotten rid of DACA.

I pledge to every rich white citizen of our land that I will be president for rich white Americans as long as they’re rich and white and here legally.

I pledge to every rich white citizen of our land that I will be president for rich white Americans as long as they’re rich and white and here legally to those who align with my self-interests.

I pledge to every rich white citizen of our land who pays me that I will be president to those who align with my self-interests pay me.

I pledge to every rich white citizen who pays me that I will be president to those who pay me while telling me that they love me.

I pledge to every rich white citizen who pays me that I will be president to those who pay me while telling me that they still love me. And this is so important to me.

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Core Values

Could a person’s core values be altered by appealing to even deeper core values?

For example, if we were to grab a completely random president of America off of the street and suddenly say to him, “I’d like to redirect all of the funding for your immigrant wall towards replacing confederate memorials…with flattering statues of you,” could that president be convinced to abandon his racism in favor of his vanity?


We see what we want

Today’s CNN headline: “Little to stop Trump from bombing North Korea”

So my first thought was “Who is this General Little and is he courageous enough to stand up against our Commander in Chief’s unstable shenanigans?”

And then it hit me like a gut punch.


Legal Nonsense

I’m no lawyer, but should the lawyers of the lawyers of our esteemed president start thinking about retaining their own personal lawyers, in the event that this president suddenly decide to accuse said lawyers’ lawyers of nefarious political machinations while representing the lawyers representing the interests of our esteemed president, during this coming December’s impeachment proceedings?


Leadership Index

Step 1: Create a list of 10 key enemies in your life, ranked from mild antagonist to lifelong arch-nemesis. Assign corresponding numerical value to each enemy on your list.

Superman Example:
1.Street thug #368
2.Mob boss #184

9.General Zod
10.Lex Luther

Step 2: Removing all logistics, think of one impactful accomplishment that:
1. Would matter enormously to you on a personal level
2. Would benefit all of humankind over the long term, instead of the short term
3. Would be granted extensive international media coverage, should it be accomplished.
If you can’t think of anything which satisfies all three criteria, then give yourself a 0 and skip to step 5

Superman Example: Reversing climate change

Step 3: Set a baseline by taking mildest antagonist in your list. Pretend that you’ve successfully completed your chosen accomplishment, by yourself and yourself alone. Then consider whether you’d be would be willing to give up all credit for that accomplishment to your antagonist, in perpetuity, with no possibility of ever correcting the mistaken perception.
If you answer NO, then give yourself a score of 0 and skip to step 5.

Step 4: If you answer YES, then divide the numerical assignment of that antagonist by 10, then move on to the next person in your list. Repeat the assessment and calculation, while retaining the highest value between the newest value and all previous value(s) calculated thus far.
If at any point you answer NO, then retain your highest calculated value and move on to Step 5.

Step 5: The value that you have at this point your official Leadership Index. Feel free to add it to your resume.

Superman Example: Superman would give credit for reversing climate change to anyone so long as the world remains safe, so he gets a full 10/10 = 1.
President Trump Example: 0 for multiple reasons.


Staircase

I wonder if all of civilization could be dropped onto a finite set of floating stairs, of which at every moment there is an upward-leading step that is in a state of construction, and with the rather inconvenient caveat that all new construction material must come from that same staircase’s bottom step.

For some the primary debate would then be over how much time to give to society’s “stragglers”, those having the most difficulty ascending from that one bottom step before we make the decision to destroy it. And I for one would not envy the messenger tasked with notifying these folks, that their time – has – run – out.

For others, priority would center upon the reallocation of a few step engineers into the construction of noiseless headphones. Their hope would be to provide their fellows (and themselves) a reliable method with which to filter from their lives the screams of those who plummet.

Still others would boldly claim that there should be NO reason to do anything but wait. Wait then wait, for the entirety of civilization to advance at the very least to the second step from the bottom. Now, in a finite population some might agree that such an argument has merit. But inevitably, other types of others would point to the incoming babies and immigrants, just then parachuting onto this finite staircase. Occasionally, some might start to ask why they’re insisting upon coming here, without quite realizing that their arrival never was artificially planned or predicted. Gravity tends to draws in those who seek safety, like a mother’s embrace.

Tragically, one day, some unfortunate soul will parachute in, onto the bottom step, and accidentally “bump” another equally unfortunate soul off of the staircase. At this point, I could imagine nearby witnesses panicking briefly, then taking stock of their own position on the stair. Many of them will begin to look upward, to see who they might themselves displace in order to protect themself. The ones on the second step will look upwards themselves, and so and so forth, until finally I give up trying to make sense of the madness infecting our world these days, and go to bed.


Brain surgeon

If I were to be told today that I’m now a brain surgeon, and then also told that I won’t get to be anything other than a brain surgeon for another four years, then I suppose the first thing I’d do is procrastinate. A lot.

First I’d brag about how I somehow bypassed all formal training and education to get to here, until one of the nurses finally tells me to shut up, then literally drags me to my first operation.

Then I’d yell something like “I’m good at this!” (hoping it’s true) before flailing around aimlessly in an repressed state of panic. Maybe turn some knobs on the anesthesia equipment. Maybe hold the defibrillators to my chest and make an inappropriate joke. Maybe surf the news or tweet from my phone until someone asks me why I’m bringing unsterilized devices into an operating room. I might lash out at that nurse for speaking to me, the brain surgeon, in such a rude way. You know, to buy myself more time.

Then, after seeing that others are still watching, and waiting, I might pitifully whisper that “surgery is a lot harder than I expected,” vainly hoping for someone to come over with a hug. And maybe hope for that someone to say “aww, well then let me take over for you.”

Eventually, it’ll become fairly obvious that I just can’t pick up that scalpel, not when a precious life is at stake. So I’d probably wind up nobly apologizing to the room, before resigning from my position. Everyone would applaud me for having the courage and conviction and self-awareness to realize my own limitations.

Afterwards I’d celebrate my decision with a glass of scotch, and then maybe hit the links.